Damn Good Prank
by WinterSky101
Summary: In which Remus and Lily prank James and Sirius, and even they have to admit it's not a bad idea, as far as pranks go. (In truth, it's definitely deserving of being called a Damn Good Prank.) Second in "Pranking Pranksters."


**Look! The sequel to Not Amused! It exists!**

**I'm so sorry it took so long to get this up. At first I was having trouble figuring out what should happen, then I got distracted by writing my big Hobbit AU, then November came around and brought with it NaNoWriMo, then I went back to my Hobbit AU, and now (finally) I've got this written and ready for posting. The third work in this series - currently titled Surprisingly Well - should be up before too long. I swear the gap between fics two and three will be much smaller than the gap between fics one and two.**

**Alright, now that the apologies are out of the way, time for the fic!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

* * *

The day had come.

Remus and Lily had prepared for _weeks_ for this prank. They hadn't wanted it to be too soon after Remus' Incident - Sirius would be expecting it. However, nor could it be too long after Remus' Incident - Sirius would have forgotten why he was being pranked. With James, it didn't matter; he asked Lily out on a near-daily basis, so if pranked by her, he would definitely know why. Lily was very pleased at the prospect of getting back at him.

And, of course, they had had to prepare the prank. Lily still felt bad about lying to Professor McGonagall about needing to do extra Transfiguration practice, but Remus convinced her that it _was_ Transfiguration practice, if only in the loosest sense. Anyway, they needed to use some sort of animal, and Lily thought it was probably better to use the Transfiguration mice than the owls up in the Owlery.

The spell was difficult. Very difficult. But it wasn't for nothing that Remus and Lily were at the top of their year. Days in the library led to weeks of practice, and then finally, _finally_, they had the spell down.

"Are we ready?" Remus asked, his eyes sparkling with mischief. There were some times when Lily was confused as to why he played so many pranks with the other Marauders, but this was not one of them. Even Remus' mysterious illness a week before hadn't stopped him from helping Lily plan. (And by the way, Lily had never heard of an illness that left Remus with a new scar along his shoulder and bruises up and down his sides. He really needed to come up with a better excuse.)

"Absolutely," Lily replied, nodding. "You're sure they're not going to burst in on us?"

"James and Sirius have detention, and I talked Peter into going down to the kitchens to get food to have ready for them when they get back," Remus listed off. "He'll take at least a half hour."

"Then up we go," Lily replied, a mischievous smile on her face. She sidled her way over to the stairs to the boy's dormitory and snuck up the stairs, opening the door for their room. Remus followed her a minute later, his wand out. A faint trail of sparks came from the end of it, signaling that he had started the spell.

"Are we sure that the time constraints are going to work?" Lily asked nervously, watching as Remus crossed to Sirius' bed and began murmuring over it.

"They worked in all four trials we did," Remus replied absently, flicking his wand. "It ought to work this time as well."

"And they won't be able to reverse it early?" Lily confirmed. Remus sighed and crossed the room to Lily.

"It'll be fine," he replied, gripping her shoulders and looking her straight in the eyes. "Now, I've done all the prep on Sirius' bed. Time for you to come in with your fabulous Charms work while I start on James'."

"Alright," Lily replied, crossing to Sirius' bed and adding her own spells to the cocoon of magic Remus has woven around it. At the end, she whispered a spell to make their magic undetectable. Then she moved on to James' bed, repeating the process. Remus checked Sirius' bed, then James'.

"Miss Evans, I believe we've done it," he stated grandly. Lily let out a nervous giggle.

"I've never really done anything like this," she admitted. Remus arched an eyebrow.

"You turned me into a girl, remember?"

"Accidentally!" Lily protested. "But this sort of prank… It's so…premeditated!"

"The best way of making sure it'll work properly," Remus countered. He held out his arm. "Shall we return to the common room, then?"

"We shall," Lily replied, giggling slightly as she took Remus' arm and descended the stairs with him.

This was going to be good.

* * *

When James woke up the next morning, he knew why Remus had been acting strange the night before.

To be honest, he was a little bit disappointed in him. He thought Remus was able to keep up a good enough façade of normalcy when pulling a prank, but apparently, he'd thought too much of him. Then again, Remus had only acted strange when James mentioned Lily and the frankly excessive amount of time Remus spent with her, so perhaps he had just been feeling awkward about that, as well he should.

But he probably was acting awkward because he had apparently played a prank that shrank James to approximately one foot tall.

"REMUS JAMES LUPIN!" Sirius' voice yelled, although his yell wasn't as loud as it normally was. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?"

And, apparently, he did it to Sirius as well. James pushed himself upright, squinting. His glasses had not been shrunk along with him, so everything was blurry, but Peter was definitely normal-sized. Lucky bastard had escaped.

"I think it's an improvement," Remus replied lazily. "With smaller lungs, you can't be anywhere near as loud as usual, which my ears are appreciating." Seeing James' pathetic attempts to focus on objects more than a few inches away from himself, Remus crossed the room and tapped his glasses, shrinking them to his size and handing them over. James put them on, marveling at the huge expanse of his bed, and glared at Remus.

"Did you really do this?" Peter asked, looking impressed. James wasn't impressed. Definitely not.

"With some help," Remus replied vaguely. "Don't worry, it'll only last a day."

"A day?" Sirius protested. "I had a date."

"Yes, well, they do say size isn't everything," Remus replied. Sirius jerked upright and crossed the bed to his wand, which was about as tall as he was. Clumsily, he pointed it at Remus, who flicked his wand and cast a Shield Charm that was so strong you could see it ripple through the air for a moment.

"You'll look a fool if you try, but considering you already look very foolish, I suppose it doesn't matter," Remus warned. Sirius glared at him.

"You'd better watch your back, Remus Lupin."

"I'd be more worried if you could _reach_ my back," Remus retorted.

"You did this with Lily, didn't you?" James cut in, the pieces falling into place. Remus turned to him, an eyebrow raised. "That's what you've been doing with her all this time. I knew that even the two of you couldn't study that much."

"Well done," Remus replied, a slight smirk on his face. "I daresay Lily may actually be impressed that you figured it out by yourself." James preened at the praise for a moment, before remembering that he was currently shrunk to a fairly embarrassing size.

"Why didn't you get Peter?" Sirius asked, sounding playfully hurt. Remus gave him a look.

"Lily wanted to get back at James for his actions towards her. I wanted to get back at you."

"Why?"

"Think for a moment, if you can be strained to do so," Remus replied dryly. "I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"Is this about the tits thing?" Sirius asked after a moment.

"And he _does_ have a brain after all!" Remus cried, crossing to the door. "Come on, Peter. Let's go get breakfast."

"What about us?" James protested, but Remus and Peter were already gone, Remus smirking as the closed the door behind him. Sirius looked over the edge of his bed - the drop was far, far taller than he was - and sighed.

"We should really think before pissing off the smartest students in our year, shouldn't we?" he asked. James just sighed.

* * *

"Remus!" Lily called as Remus and Peter stepped into the common room. "Did it work?"

"Like a charm," Remus replied, grinning. Lily arched an eyebrow at his awful pun. "Sorry, Sirius must be rubbing off on me."

"I should hope not," Lily replied, looking affronted. "I don't need a second Sirius to wrangle, and I definitely don't need a second Sirius as my fellow prefect." Remus rolled his eyes.

"Yes, it worked," he told her. "James and Sirius are both currently about a foot tall and in their beds, which are over two feet above the ground."

"You are an evil, evil man, Remus Lupin," Lily replied, shaking her head. Remus shrugged.

"You did help, remember."

"So what's the plan now?" Lily asked as she followed Remus out of the common room. Remus shrugged.

"Is there much of a plan?" he countered. "I thought the plan ended after we shrunk them. They'll have a difficult time getting out of the dormitory, what with the door being closed and everything. And I doubt they'll work too hard at it, considering how utterly ridiculous they look."

"Won't someone go up to the room to see where they are?" Lily countered. Remus gave her a doubtful look.

"I doubt anyone, even a Gryffindor, is brave enough to go up there unexpected. Remember when Frank Longbottom broke out in that terrible rash and lost all his hair?"

"Sirius and James?" Lily asked. Remus nodded, able to remember the incident vividly. He hadn't been in the dormitory, but he'd been in the common room and had spent the next twenty minutes trying to sort Frank out and reverse the various spells while Peter scurried off to find Professor McGonagall.

"He interrupted them in the middle of planning for a prank. A word of advice; if you ever go up there unannounced, be prepared to cast a Shield Charm or to duck out of the way." Remus himself had to do that all the time; he was glad that his Shield Charms had gotten better, because having to throw himself out of the way of spells was a pain.

"I'm surprised no one's tried to get back at them before," Lily remarked. Remus grinned.

"Oh, they have." Lily looked a little worried, so Remus decided against telling her some of the stories of what the Slytherins had tried - and failed - to do. "Don't you remember the time the Prewitts turned Sirius' hair pink?"

Lily grinned at the memory. Remus personally often found himself calling it to mind when he worked at his Patronus. "That was very good revenge."

"They're not the only ones who've tried," Remus added. "But most people don't manage, and when they do, I'm normally in charge of damage control. For whatever reason, most people only try to get back at James and Sirius, leaving myself and Peter unharmed." Remus shrugged. "Obviously, I won't be helping them this time. James and Sirius are smart, so they probably could figure out a way to reverse the spells we cast…if not for the fact that their wands are about as tall as they are at the moment."

"We are brilliant," Lily declared. Remus laughed.

"We really are," he replied, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and squeezing tightly. Lily was quiet for a long moment. Remus looked down at her to see she looked a little concerned.

"Do you think James and Sirius are going to try to get back at us for this?" she asked, sounding as if she dreaded what the answer would be. Remus didn't even have to think about it before he replied.

"Absolutely."

* * *

By using the blankets as a rope, Sirius had managed to get out of bed (damn Remus and Lily for their stupid and yet incredibly brilliant prank) and was now wandering around the dormitory. James had elected to remain on his bed, whining and being a general annoyance.

"Why don't we make the best of it?" Sirius asked, climbing up onto James' bed. He walked over to the pillow, sitting down next to James. "Think of the pranks we can play. No one will see us coming, because we're tiny enough that people won't notice us! It's perfect!" James didn't reply. "We could even sneak into another common room," Sirius added. "We could follow a Slytherin and sneak in through the door when they do." Annoyed at James' silence, Sirius poked his friend in the face. "What's wrong?"

"Why Lily would do this to me?" James moaned. "Does she really hate me this much?" Sirius sighed loudly and exaggeratedly.

"James! Focus! The drama in your nonexistent relationship with Lily-"

"Hey!"

"-Is not the focus here. Remus and Lily have declared war, James. _War_. But they have also given us a great opportunity. We cannot allow it to go to waste." Sirius grabbed James by the shoulders. "We are the Marauders, James Potter. We have a duty to pull pranks, no matter the situation. And let me tell you, if I'm going to miss a date today because I've been shrunk, I'm going to make it worth it."

"Who's your date anyway?" James asked. Sirius shrugged.

"That pretty fourth year Hufflepuff. I can't remember her name. Curly hair. Anyway, that's not the point. We need to pull a magnificent prank!"

"What are you going to do if you get into the Slytherin common room?" James retorted. "You can't even hold your wand."

"That is uncalled for," Sirius stated in an affronted voice, even though it was completely true. "I'll have you know that there are pranks that can be pulled without a wand."

"What do you plan to do?" James asked, looking curious despite himself. Sirius grinned wickedly.

"We'll be so small that we won't be noticed. We can go into the dormitories and screw with people's things. And I want to see what sort of correspondence Regulus has been having with my- er, his family. He's probably been telling everyone about how much of a blood traitor I am, so if I'm going to get another Howler or something, I'd like some warning."

"We could tie everyone's shoelaces together, if they're not wearing their shoes. Just to mess with them." James was clearly warming to the idea. Sirius nodded eagerly.

"And we can steal their underwear and hide it," he added. "Maybe we can even short sheet Regulus' bed."

"Might be difficult, with us as small as we are," James countered. Sirius shrugged.

"We can try our hardest. Come on. You know the little shit deserves it."

"There's something else that'll probably be difficult," James added, frowning. Sirius followed James' gaze to the door.

"What?"

"How are we going to open the door when the handle is about three feet high?" James asked. Sirius opened his mouth to reply, realized he had no idea how they could do it, and closed his mouth again. "And how do you plan to go down the stairs? There are lots of stairways between here and the Slytherin common room."

"Damn it," Sirius sighed, leaning against James' pillow. "Well, that's one plan gone. Let's come up with another one."

"One that doesn't require us to leave the room?" James retorted. Sirius sighed.

"You're determined to see the worst in anything, aren't you?" he demanded. James sighed and didn't answer that. Sirius hadn't honestly expected him to.

Well, Remus _had_ said the spell only lasted a day. Sirius could last a day without pranking anyone.

Probably.

* * *

Peter knew he should have been glad that he wasn't pranked along with James and Sirius. After all, he didn't _want_ to be a foot tall. And he knew he should be glad that he hadn't been hit by the still-mysterious prank that had turned Remus into a girl for a day. Peter couldn't imagine being a girl, and he really didn't want that ever to happen to him.

But at the same time, he was a Marauder, wasn't he? He was as much a member of the group as James or Sirius or Remus. So why was it that he wasn't being pranked or pranking anyone? Remus could have asked him for help instead of Lily. And, if Lily wanted to be in the prank anyway, the three of them could have worked together. But instead, Peter was just ignored.

Peter always knew that he would never be as close to James or Sirius as they were to each other. The two of them were practically brothers. But Remus had been the one to reach out to him, in their first year, and Peter had always thought that, perhaps, they could pair off when James and Sirius were doing things together without them.

But when Remus wasn't with James and Sirius, he spent his time with Lily, especially now that they were both prefects. Peter's place had been usurped by someone who wasn't even a Marauder. It wasn't that he didn't like Lily - he thought she was very nice - but he admitted he did resent her friendship with Remus a little. Remus had told Peter to come with him for breakfast, but when they had met up with Lily in the common room, he seemed to have completely forgotten about Peter. It was almost as if Peter didn't even exist. And no one else had noticed him either; none of the other Gryffindors had asked if he wanted to eat with them, or even said hello to him. Had he been James or Sirius, people would have. People even liked Remus, as quiet as he was. But no one seemed to even see Peter.

He had to do something. He had to do something to prove to the others that he _was_ a Marauder, and he was just as capable of pulling pranks as they were. He would work alone and he would pull a prank on Remus, James, and Sirius, the greatest prank Hogwarts had ever seen. Or, perhaps not _that _incredible, but it would be good. He'd even extend it to Lily, just for good measure. Peter would come up with a _plan_, and perhaps he'd even research, if he could figure out a way to get the books he needed from the library. He was banned from spending too much time in there, as were James and Sirius, but he was still allowed to check out books, although he was pretty sure Madam Pince cast ink-repelling spells and other such charms on the book before giving them to any of the Marauders but Remus. (Remus, on the other hand, cast such spells himself if he knew he was going to be anywhere near James or Sirius with the book.) But Peter could find a place - a nice, secretive place where the others wouldn't find him - and he could research. He could plan. He could figure out the best prank of all.

The other Marauders wouldn't even see it coming.

But first, Peter was going to go downstairs and get some breakfast.


End file.
